Ramses from “Love Is Blind” Proves That If You’re “Progressive” Except for Sex, No You Aren’t

One thing about me: I’m an avid fan of dating shows first and a reproductive rights lawyer second. And not only do I watch dating shows like “Love Is Blind,” “The Bachelor,” and “Single’s Inferno,” I’m also single and mingling out in these greater DC metropolitan area streets. Sometimes with men, alas.  

I don’t know if it’s because Me Too made it unfashionable to be openly sexist (thank God), the rapid rollback of abortion and birth control access since the Supreme Court overturned Roe, or something else, but I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone on dates with men who bill themselves as super progressive—only for their actions to show they’re definitely not progressive when it comes to me, my body, and my sexual health. The men who tell me how important my work is are the same ones who don’t get tested regularly or don’t want to wear a condom because “men just don’t like condoms” (yes, I was told that verbatim). And believe me when I say I block these men but I’m very familiar with the type.  

So, this DC-set season on “Love is Blind” I was pissed off, but not surprised, to see Marissa (a fellow lawyer – shout out to Marissa on getting her degree!) experiencing the same sexism that I have with her partner from the show, Ramses. Ramses sold himself as uber progressive – he talked about the importance of equal emotional labor in a partnership and said things like “billionaires are unethical.” But his progressivism stopped when it came to Marissa and her body. My mouth was wide open and my brow was furrowed sitting on my couch listening to Ramses say things like “oh men just don’t have to think about birth control” and “I just want sex to feel good” in response to Marissa’s totally valid thoughts on why she didn’t want to go on hormonal birth control. According to this interview, Marissa and Ramses talked about getting a vasectomy and he said “most men don’t have to think about that.”   

Marissa rightfully points out that Ramses had no clue what a privileged position it is to never think about how his actions affect his partner’s sexual health.  Under Ramses’ birth control “plan” (or lack thereof), Marissa could have been faced with a pregnancy she wasn’t ready for with someone who also appears to have also never thought about child care. This is especially scary considering Black women are dying because of abortion bans and Black women are three times more likely to die in childbirth than white women – Marissa is Black.  

During the show the couple had a conversation about kids and how they’d take care of the children since both of them work. Ramses blithely said he works from home so he’d just watch the kids while he’s working. My coworker Sarah on NWLC’s child care team rightfully said this shows how ill-prepared he is for the realities of caretaking. He clearly doesn’t appreciate the tradeoffs, sacrifices, and incredible mental load parents—and let’s be real usually moms—have to make every day to make child care work in a country that doesn’t make it easy for them or provide support to make it realistic.  

Everyone deserves the freedom to make decisions about their own bodies, including if and when they want to have a family. That freedom requires access to birth control. abortion, and affordable, high-quality child care. We should all be able to say hell no to a partner who is so cavalier about our reproductive health, especially considering the threats to reproductive health that people across the country face every day.  

So, as a dating show lover first and reproductive rights lawyer second: Good on Marissa for calling Ramses out on his privilege in the moment and in later interviews. I wish her nothing but the best in her life and legal career. And as for Ramses. Well, I hope watching the show back and seeing the reaction from viewers across the country he’s properly ashamed of his behavior—and that maybe his bag gets caught in the metro door at least once. 

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