Blog Post

No, I Will Not Accept Grant’s Final Rose or This Entire Bachelor Season

Last week my therapist recommended I escape into books, movies, TV shows, and activities to combat the overwhelming depression that comes from working in the gender justice sector in Washington D.C. right now. What I took from that (and Maya, if you’re reading this, forgive me), is to increase the probably already way-too-high amount of reality TV I watch. Because what is more escapist than watching people (filmed before the election) live in blissful unawareness and maybe even ignorance of the political hellscape coming their way? These shows rarely talk politics (shocking since some of them end in engagements). And yet, as I watch this season of The Bachelor, it’s feeling very political to me.

The bachelor this season is Grant Ellis, a 31-year-old day trader from New Jersey and a former pro basketball player. Was this man predestined to give my queer self the ick? Most definitely. But lucky for him, the women vying for his heart are absolutely smitten. I swear I’ve been trying to give Grant the benefit of the doubt, even when he dances to calm his nerves (yes, this is a real thing he does). But despite my best efforts, in every single episode, I feel less like Grant is trying to fall in love, and more that he is trying to find a wife who arbitrarily checks the boxes of his idea of “womanhood.”

Finding a partner who shares your desire to have kids is perfectly understandable. But Grant’s first date of the season was at a rec gym where he brought in a group of children to play basketball with, and then he watched and commented on how well his suitors interacted with the kids. This weird “will-she-be-a-good-mother test” left me feeling uncomfortable for every contestant and every viewer watching.

Remember last spring when Kansas City Chiefs Football Player Harrison Butker gave a commencement speech where he directly told the female graduates that they are probably more excited about becoming a wife, mother, and homemaker than for their career? Grant seems like he’s operating with the same goalposts for women in mind.

During this week’s episode, Grant spends one-on-one time with certified girlboss lawyer Dina. Grant paddles a rowboat while Dina uncomfortably sits there, expressing that it’s hard for her not to participate. Grant says, “I’m used to doing things by myself…I’m someone who provides.” Later, he remarks that Dina has opened his eyes to the idea of a 50/50 partnership and that there are “layers to her that are more than just your five-year plan.” Grant and Harrison Butker have clearly never stopped to think that women can pursue relationships, marriage, and motherhood without it being their entire identity. And that there are women who don’t care about those things, and it does not make a shred of a difference when it comes to their womanhood or femininity.

Another example of Grant’s dedication to viewing women as tools to fulfill his dreams of fatherhood? The big end-of-season tease.

This season, the show previews Grant in the final moments before proposing, still undecided between his top two options. Producers are begging him to tell them whose limo to send first (dystopian, I know) so they can plan the logistics of the proposal, but Grant is still unsure. We’ve seen seasons where the lead is in love and can see a future with multiple people, but never before have they arrived at the proposal, ring in-pocket, without the clarity of who is receiving that ring. It’s no wonder Grant can’t decide—he basically showed up to film with a cardboard cutout of his “future wife,” figuring he’d choose the woman who best fits the face-hole. It’s one thing to have qualities you’re looking for in a partner, it’s another to have a laundry list of requirements that shows you’re not interested in getting to know a woman for who she is. Frankly, it’s offensive and disturbing.

We’re living in a moment where men in power are fundamentality legislating what it means to be a woman: erasing and dehumanizing trans women and girls, dismantling health care and reproductive rights, and overhauling any diversity, equity, and inclusion initiatives that would dare lift up marginalized groups in the workplace. It seems like there’s a new attack on women’s freedoms every single day.

I started watching The Bachelor season to escape this reality, but unfortunately, Grant seems hell-bent on reminding me. ABC has already announced they won’t be filming the next season of The Bachelorette because ratings are dropping. My advice to them? Don’t cancel the spin-off that allows a woman to be in the driver’s seat of her own future, and maybe next time choose a lead who is actually looking for a partner, not a vessel to have children.  As for me? I’m going back to Love Island.